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Tips, Tricks, & Things I Don't Want to See in Your Writing: SEEM
27 October 2008

To seem, or not to seem? That is the question.

After I've read the word "seem" in a short chapter three or four times, the word begins to draw an annoying attention to itself. Once this attention is established, I can't help but scrutinize the use of the word the next time I read it. I'm usually stuck wondering at the writer's meaning. Is there meaning, or is it merely an amateur's mistake?

Avoid the overuse of the word "seem," especially when describing a condition of your viewpoint character.

Writers seem to use the word "seem" (or variations of) when it seems that they can think of no other word or phrase to use. It seems to me, opportunities to add description to a situation and/or to the demeanor and attitudes of people involved in a scene may be being missed if you are simply sticking "seemed" in there because you seemingly can't be bothered to go any further than making an ambiguous statement. Or so it seems.

Rather than writing "something seemed wrong" and leaving it at that, show (as opposed to tell) the audience, through your viewpoint character, the thing(s) he/she is noticing that is making that situation seem wrong. Describe your character's fear, doubt, or uncertainty instead. Describe that sixth sense feeling or that intuitive notion that's setting your character on edge. Describe the environmental oddities that could be making something seem wrong. Maybe your viewpoint character just became drunk for the first time and is unfamiliar with the sensation, maybe he ingested poison, or maybe he's unknowingly exposed to infrasound or a strong electromagnetic field.

Here's an example of replacing "seem" with description:

He seemed not to like my plan.

Instead, try:

When I finished explaining my plan, he put his hands on his hips and looked away with a scowl on his face. After a moment, he shook his head. I could tell he didn't like my idea, but if anyone else had a better one, they weren't forthcoming.

Let's move on. When a viewpoint character seems angry (or sad or happy, etc.), I want to shout at my computer screen, "Well, is he or isn't he?" The one person we're supposed to be in tune with at the moment, and we don't know for certain what he's feeling! But he seems angry, according to the narrator who's supposed to be in on such things on the audience's behalf. I'd fire that narrator.

Another contraction overtook her, and the baby's head began to crown. She screamed. She seemed to be in pain.

Nooo, really?

He wandered about aimlessly through the city, not even bothering to acknowledge those who greeted him along the way. He seemed to miss his girlfriend. It was less than a week ago that she'd left him.

But is that really what's wrong? Gah! He's either behaving this way because he misses her, or not. It doesn't precisely say. Sure, you can surmise that the narrator isn't going to lead you wrong, so you might consider "seemed" just as good as "was." But he's our viewpoint character, therefore, it's all right for us to be aware of what he's feeling. Why hide it from us? His odd behavior isn't meant to be a mystery. The story here is in seeing how he deals with his breakup.

Sometimes, all you need to do to "fix" this is to remove "seemed to" and go with your verb.

He (your viewpoint character) seemed to think thought there was no way out.

There are, of course, times when "seem" is the best word to use, but if you've used it three or four times already in the same chapter, chances are you're getting lazy in your description. You're preferring to tell, rather than show. As long as your audience has been alerted that something isn't as it should be (something seemed wrong), you're satisfied, while your audience is usually not.

If you catch yourself relying too heavily on the word "seem," go back and see if you can remove it and make the wording, and therefore the story, more interesting.




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